Writing Panophobia: Beyond The Pages

Here's a deeper look into my novel Panophobia, an emotionally dark novel following Carmen Hayes who returns to her hometown after 10 years of pretending her past doesn’t exist. But it does and so does Mama and Papa - even if he is dead.

Writing Panophobia: Beyond The Pages

Here's a deeper look into my novel Panophobia, an emotionally dark novel following Carmen Hayes who returns to her hometown after 10 years of pretending her past doesn’t exist. But it does and so does Mama and Papa - even if he is dead.

Firstly, thank you for clicking my first ever #blog post! I'm new to this so, bear with me! Of course, It's only natural I'd jump to write something so #emotional right out of the gate! But hey, let's give you what you came for!

I stumbled upon an amazing #tag other writers have done, couldn't pass up joining the shenanigans, and so, here we are! let's get into the #WIPjoy tag!

Introduce your WIP…

Panophobia, which is the working title, is about a woman/mother who's past finally caught up with her. The death of one of her demons, her father, unearths some dark family secrets.

Why does your protagonist pull at your heartstrings?

She's loosely based on myself and what I've been through, I cannot help but care and sympathize.

How do you get to know your characters?

As odd as it might sound, I daydream. I let scenarios play out in my head even if they aren't related to the story. As long as the characters get to act/react to these made-up scenarios I can write them organically based on that.

Share a line about your premise!

Right, fuck them all! Only it wasn’t that easy - not when it came to Mama. She had this hold on me, something I’ve never understood. I should hate her - and I do, but I also love her.

How easy is this WIP to write?

  It's extremely difficult, actually. The scenes and much of the dialogue are derived from factual things. It's emotionally difficult.

Which character is the hardest to write?

So far, Carmen's mother, who doesn't even have a name yet. . .

Tell us about you and your work!

I've been writing for 10 years, I adore my dogs, and I enjoy writing emotionally dark stories.

Who is your protag’s best friend?

Growing up, Jennet was Carmen's Best friend, but currently, it's her long-term boyfriend Avi.

How did the main characters meet?

Carmen and Avi met shortly before Carmen ran away from home on her 18th birthday. Avi drove the getaway car.

Anyone suffering from a broken heart?

Carmen's mother just lost her husband and while Carmen's not suffering from romantic heartbreak yet she's certainly heartbroken over how her parents hurt her.

Share a line about love or hatred…

My portrayal of Mama and the anger I had for her lumped in my throat as tears dribbled down my cheek. She wasn’t perfect and I didn’t like her, that much I knew. But she did love Papa and Papa really did love her. As fucked up as the two were, God made them fit for only each other. She was still my Mother. . . After all.

What was your protagonist’s past like?

Abuse, emotional neglect, and all around uncertainty. Her father was a functioning alcoholic and her mother is a narcissist.

What’s a message about relationships in your book?

  We could learn from Carmen and Avi that real love is full of sacrifice. Understanding we are all human and susceptible to overreacting, meltdowns, and misplaced anger is a must. In the end, It's important to support each other.

Which characters get along worst?

Carmen and her mother don’t get along at all. Carmen wants to be the perfect daughter, even as an adult, but she can’t grasp why her mother would act so ignorant about the past. Her mother loves conditionally and only when she finds it necessary.

At its best, my WIP’s dialogue is…

Hopefully, the dialogue packs the emotional punch I’m striving for, the impact of what and how things are said are very important.

I love how I describe things when…

The main character, Carmen, is experiencing an emotion. I try very hard to show her body language and bring the reader inward to feel the heat rush up the back of her neck, etc.

I love how I depict characters because…

People are super complex and I strive to give my characters that complexity. If not, they fall flat.

Share an example of your best prose!

Each glaring green mile marker we zoomed past taunted me, one down only so many more to go. Eventually, I’d run out of road.

794. 793. 792. 791. . .

I could have just said no, could have stayed home, and pretended the phone never rang. Papa never died and Mama just didn’t exist. But home beckoned me like a battered woman in an abusive cycle.

I love my world/setting because…

It's set in a realistic world. I wouldn't say I love the setting, it's just necessary.

The relationship I root most for is…

Carmen's own relationship with herself. She needs to accept what has happened to her, the choices she's made, and the worth she's allowed others to strip away from her. Her battle is to love herself even when her parents didn't.

I’m most impatient to hear reader reactions to…

The "flashbacks." They're not your typical flashbacks, I’ve concocted something I hope, when I publish, people really enjoy. I wouldn’t be upset if it became a staple in my books. Having readers know right off the bat the flashback was mine based solely off my style would be insane!

Describe yourself in five words:

Socially challenged, encouraging, dog mom.

One thing you’d change in your past?

Boundaries. I would have set an expectation of how people were allowed to treat me, not doing so lead me to believe I was only worth what others believed. Those people who created that illusion, I would have removed them from my life much sooner.

Favorite ways to relax?

Drawing! I’ve only just taken up the hobby but I can begin a sketch and find myself an hour later still drawing. If I’m being honest, sleep. It’s sleep but how boring of an answer.

A line you were proud to say:

...she never could be.

Tell us about where you live:

Corning, NY! Market St. and Corning glass. . . That about sums it up.

Do you sympathize with (or related to) the antagonist?

I do, oddly enough. The Antagonists (Carmen's mother and father) are based symbolically on two traumas I, personally, endured. In both, I cared about the people and put their reputation/freedom above my emotional health and safety. The mother and father aren't really based on PEOPLE from my life, but embody the emotions I felt, the act of abuse - not the actual abusers. These two characters embody actions, emotions, beliefs, fears, etc.

What are you self-conscious about?

In my writing or in general because we could be here for a while! With this WIP, I'm self-conscious about how the plot and characters will come across. Will the readers fully understand what I'm trying to convey?

 Overall, my lack of confidence/social skills are something I struggle with on a daily basis.

How long do you expect to be working on this WIP?

As long as it takes but hopefully no longer than a year. The last project spanned over the last eight years. While some might see that as a waste of time, I reveled in those eight years! When I first began writing, I had no idea there were rules to this thing I fell in love with. I wrote a novel and chiseled the hell out of it while I learned what worked and what didn’t. I felt like a failure and hated the story, but I improved my writing! when I noticed the jump in my writing ability, it gave me confidence that even though I wasn’t the best writer, I would continue to grow and hone my abilities.

What do you hope touches readers the most in the story?

I want people to be introduced to the reality that not all abuse is physical. Emotional abuse/neglect can wreck a child's ability to develop properly and usually is carried into adulthood. I want people to accept that sexual abuse isn’t this black or white thing, that if you’re not assaulted violently - you weren’t assaulted at all. Many predators and abusers gaslight their victims into complying, manipulation is powerful. Most children who are groomed and victimized are abused by people they know and trust! Some even feel the obligation to keep the abuse secret - even when they know it’s wrong! Even when they dislike what’s being done to them. . .

As you can see, Panophobia contains some dark and ugly things, I can't not write this. It's the story of so many!

However dark, I had a ton of fun with this tag! If you'd like to read another, a good friend of mine also played along! You can check out Danielle Apple's post for her novel Fodder for Pigs here!

For anyone interested in joining the fun, link your #WIPjoy tags in the comments! I'll give them a read!

Samantha Wright